Medieval Madness Lovers Gifts

'Congratulations -- you've been promoted from churl to knave!'

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"Messenger, dost thou bring me good news or dost thou bring me bad news?"

'Spell checker!'

Dragon and Dragoff

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

Ale. Mead. It's been a hard knight's day!

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

Next Time-Portal 5 Miles...

"Yes, I'm sure. The dragon I saw was quite a bit bigger."

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'The knights are drawing closer'

Don't tell my wife. Dragon head.

"Is 'family' friend of foe?"

"We've decided to convert the dungeon into studio apartments, so kill all the prisoners."

'Thank goodness he's gone through sensitivity training.'

"Ugh! Here comes WIlliam Tell and overtures."

"But they told me I was too big to fail."

"I'm not an intern, I'm a squire. I'm not an intern, I'm a squire..."

The Inn Keeper's Wife and Daughter taking care of the Don after being beaten and bruised.

'Is "I'll huff and I'll puff till I blow your castle down" the best intimidation we can come up with!!'

"Sheesh... Missed a button again."

"Don't forget to call it a 'procedure'—it makes it less scary."

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

'None shall pass!'

A monk illustrates a manuscript with emojis

Actually, I slayed it for the castle's resale value, but don't tell her that.

'And there he was shouting: 'A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!'... I thought to myself: Why not...'

Lovers

'The king wants a gesture, not a jester.'

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

Medieval King

King Richard I

Geoffrey Chaucer