Medieval Madness Lover Gifts

"Good morning, beheaded—uh, I mean beloved."

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

'Spell checker!'

"Messenger, dost thou bring me good news or dost thou bring me bad news?"

Dragon and Dragoff

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

Next Time-Portal 5 Miles...

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

"Is 'family' friend of foe?"

'The knights are drawing closer'

'Thank goodness he's gone through sensitivity training.'

"I'm not an intern, I'm a squire. I'm not an intern, I'm a squire..."

"Sheesh... Missed a button again."

"But they told me I was too big to fail."

The Tooth Ferret

'Is "I'll huff and I'll puff till I blow your castle down" the best intimidation we can come up with!!'

A monk illustrates a manuscript with emojis

Actually, I slayed it for the castle's resale value, but don't tell her that.

'And there he was shouting: 'A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!'... I thought to myself: Why not...'

'The king wants a gesture, not a jester.'

Halloween health & safety.

King Richard I

'I envisioned something more robust'

"Why can't you bring me a rodent like a normal cat?"

Knight offers his opponent a glass of wine.

"Nothing like a good stretch before looting and burning."

Extreme Sheepherding

'What's this I hear about you running against me?'

"Ground score!"

'Oh, you know, the usual...just working.'

'I'm going out to forge an alliance.'

"I'd like to introduce our new consultant on risk management!"

DING DONG!

Monk scribe has written ornate letter 'S' which turns into 'Sod this for a lark!!'