Medieval Lovers Gifts

"We found the spare key under the welcome mat."

A fish bowl, with a castle and a dead king and queen floating on the surface of the water

Dragon and Dragoff

Ale. Mead. It's been a hard knight's day!

Next Time-Portal 5 Miles...

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'The knights are drawing closer'

Don't tell my wife. Dragon head.

"We've decided to convert the dungeon into studio apartments, so kill all the prisoners."

'Thank goodness he's gone through sensitivity training.'

"But they told me I was too big to fail."

"I'm not an intern, I'm a squire. I'm not an intern, I'm a squire..."

"Ugh! Here comes WIlliam Tell and overtures."

The Inn Keeper's Wife and Daughter taking care of the Don after being beaten and bruised.

"Don't forget to call it a 'procedure'—it makes it less scary."

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

'None shall pass!'

A monk illustrates a manuscript with emojis

Actually, I slayed it for the castle's resale value, but don't tell her that.

Lovers

Medieval King

'And there he was shouting: 'A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!'... I thought to myself: Why not...'

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

'I envisioned something more robust'

Geoffrey Chaucer

'I hate these commerical breaks!'

'What's this I hear about you running against me?'

Knight offers his opponent a glass of wine.

"Ground score!"

'We'd like you to put a cat-flap in!'

"Good King Worcestershire looked out on the feast of Stephen..."

"Stop it! You're killing me!"

John Wycliffe

Jump! Jump! How high? He just doesn't get it, does he?

'Honest, I'm not a toad - I'm a frog with a skin condition.'