Medieval Lovers Pillows

"We found the spare key under the welcome mat."

A fish bowl, with a castle and a dead king and queen floating on the surface of the water

Dragon and Dragoff

Next Time-Portal 5 Miles...

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'The knights are drawing closer'

"We've decided to convert the dungeon into studio apartments, so kill all the prisoners."

'Thank goodness he's gone through sensitivity training.'

"But they told me I was too big to fail."

"Ugh! Here comes WIlliam Tell and overtures."

The Inn Keeper's Wife and Daughter taking care of the Don after being beaten and bruised.

"I'm not an intern, I'm a squire. I'm not an intern, I'm a squire..."

"Don't forget to call it a 'procedure'—it makes it less scary."

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

'None shall pass!'

A monk illustrates a manuscript with emojis

Lovers

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

'And there he was shouting: 'A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!'... I thought to myself: Why not...'

Medieval King

'I envisioned something more robust'

Geoffrey Chaucer

'I hate these commerical breaks!'

'What's this I hear about you running against me?'

Knight offers his opponent a glass of wine.

"Ground score!"

"Good King Worcestershire looked out on the feast of Stephen..."

'We'd like you to put a cat-flap in!'

101 uses of a dead cat: civilisation flag.

"Stop it! You're killing me!"

John Wycliffe

'Honest, I'm not a toad - I'm a frog with a skin condition.'