Medieval Tales Lover Pillows

Dragons eating a knight - 'Once you get the shell off they're delicious!'

King Arthur on the lake trying to open letters when the lady of the lake offers a letter opener.

Dragon and Dragoff

Dragon Recycling the Knights it has defeated

Next Time-Portal 5 Miles...

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

"The damsels, the knights, I guess I'm just burnt out."

'The knights are drawing closer'

'Thank goodness he's gone through sensitivity training.'

"I'm not an intern, I'm a squire. I'm not an intern, I'm a squire..."

"But they told me I was too big to fail."

A monk illustrates a manuscript with emojis

'And there he was shouting: 'A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!'... I thought to myself: Why not...'

Actually, I slayed it for the castle's resale value, but don't tell her that.

Finding Bigfoot

"The road ahead is filled with danger. Take this lawyer for protection."

"Ground score!"

"But I only restarted it three minutes ago."

Knight offers his opponent a glass of wine.

'What's this I hear about you running against me?'

"Good King Worcestershire looked out on the feast of Stephen..."

John Wycliffe

'I'm drawing up a contingency plan just in case -- how would you like to drive the getaway car?'

"Have a safe trip!"

"I saw your ad on the dating site, ma'am! You're looking for an old-fashioned man, aren't you?"

Castle with parking lot.

"I let him think he's protecting us, too."

Friendly Troll.

'Be wary, my Liege, Arthur wants a round table.'

'Ethelred - What we're offering is the chance to consolidate all your Danegeld payments into one manageable lump sum.'

"Sir Eustache is searching for a coaster for the holy grail."

"Maybe if we put stone statues in their place, no one will notice that they've flown away."

Early Reading Group . . .

"I'd like something smaller – something with fewer walls to defend."

'Sire, the peasants say you're just using them.'