Medicine Musers Gifts

'It says not to use heavy machinery when taking these. What's heavy machinery?'

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

'There they go - off on their own - and a finer bunch of fledgelings one couldn't ask.'

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

The Evolution Of Man.

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

George Santayana

Surgeons prepare for the world's first loopendectomy. Objective: Remove that part of the brain that plays the same snippet of music over the over and over.

'Yeah, I hate change, too.'

Delta and Omicron Race

"Visiting hours are over, Mrs. Glenborn."

"I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. I told them to pipe down."

'I see a change in matters of the heart, liver, kidneys. . .'

Man pondering signpost reading NHS and Complementary Medicine.

"He has a pretty rare blood group."

'Is this really where we wanted to be at this stage of our lives?'

'They say medicine is a calling. . . but it's days like this I wish I'd had call waiting.'

"I'm thinking of getting out of medicine completely… or volunteering in a third world country to do my liposuction."

Just go ahead and draw - I can't hit the broad side of a barn lately. Naw, I ain't really in the mood today. Low Noon.

'It may not be the solution you were looking for, but physician-assisted noogies are the best I can legally go.'

"...and this is Ralph, your anesthesiologist."

Intensive Care in the Community

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

How do medicines work? They don't! All they do is give God time to heal the body!

'Yes, we can run a few tests if you insist. But, I'm pretty sure that my initial diagnosis is correct.'

Ignitas

'He may be gone, but his spirit is still with us.'

"With proper flossing your restoration will last forever. My assistant will show you how."

"You could call it cilia. I prefer to think of it as designer stubble."

'Sure I'd like to have everything but where would I put it?'

Alert with Ibuprofen

Death leaves a 'Back Later' note on the door.

A Reasonable Time For Concern - 'Hello Crematorium?'

'Hello, Mr Busino. I understand you're suffering from some drug side effects.'