Medication Mix-ups Pillows

'You're right...these are your hormone pills. Thank goodness we noticed before anything serious happened.'

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

"Sorry, that's not my table."

"I've been having stomach problems. I sit on the bathroom for 30 minutes in the morning...and a half-hour in the evening."

Man sees hug capsules: 'Not to be taken Orally.'

"This may be the beer, Zoloft, Rogaine, Cialis and Avapro talking ... but I feel weird."

'I suppose you're going to tell me I need new contact lenses.'

'But I only came in to have my appendix out!'

Stupid medicine - Shake Well Before Using.

'Terrific commercial. I'm sold. You'll start on that medicine immediately.'

'You came through the delivery with flying colors, Mrs. Lewis.'

'Continue to support sex education in the schools if you want to, but Billy just told me that he resulted when your sperm met my omelet.'

'He broke his wrist trying to open his medicine.'

'Oops - it's not a stethoscope - it's my ipod!'

Urban Trail Mix

"Please forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles. Will the happy couple please step forward?"

"Gina remembers where she left her pen... No wonder I can't write with this. It's a rectal thermometer."

'George...George! Have you seen the fly-spray anywhere?'

"I told him 1 tranquilizer every 4 hours, not 4 tranquilizers every 1 hour."

"No, this is not 'returns,' and that's not a receipt … it's a birth certificate!"

Most common side effects...

'I don't give a damn what the chart says! i did not have a hysterectomy!!!'

"What a screwup. I was only supposed to get a hip replacement."

"What makes you think you got your medication mixed up with your wife's?"

"Uh, oh...I was supposed to rub this on your back..."

"Your tired eyes are red and irritated because you put sleeping medicine in them. That's not how it works, Mr. Jenkins."

'You're right. It does look infected. But I'm just the janitor.'

'You're an auto mechanic - are you going to want any of the old parts?'

"I shaved with detergent, did the dishes with shaving cream and showered with dishwasher soap. It all came out the same."

'There is no need to be alarmed, Mr. Shaw - there's been a mix-up in the laundry.'

'If you please, sir, Mother's took the lotion, and rubbed her leg with the mixture!'

'No nurse! - I said check their obs!'

"Do you call this a party! I've been to livelier funerals!"

'You idiot! You didn't tell us this gig was for a marching band! '

"Hand me a number eight iron."