Medical Mix-up Aficionado Pillows

"Uh, oh...I was supposed to rub this on your back..."

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

"Sorry, that's not my table."

Medical Books - Lady Chatterley's Liver

'Hold it!'

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

"All good: This egg looks healthy as well..."

"Your EKG corresponds with the stock market report."

"It'll have to stay on until your vasectomy heals..."

A diuretic! Are you sure about this?

'No, Mr Zarynski...you've got the hospital gown on backwards.'

'We've not met, but I'm your keyhole surgeon.'

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

Ah. I knew you were going to say that. You people are so predictable.

'I suppose you're going to tell me I need new contact lenses.'

'Three, two, one. Stand clear.'

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

Grand rounds vs. ground rounds.

'I can't turn it off.'

"I'm saying we lash out for the 'Deluxe' collagen treatment, next time, honey."

'Breast implants? There must be some mistake. I have you down for knee surgery not breast implants!'

"Hey, how come no diplomas?" "Oh, I'm self-taught."

'But I only came in to have my appendix out!'

Circus doctor.

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

'Side effects? You have to worry about side effects?'

Dentists who do appendectomies.

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

'You came through the delivery with flying colors, Mrs. Lewis.'

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."

The New Surgery Interpreter was to prove invaluable

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'