Medical School Jokesters Gifts

'I can't read a word of this essay of yours. Excellent work.'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

Virtual Doctor

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

Cardiologist Henry Weil like to add some levity before surgery by hiding a whoopee cushion on the operating table.

'Dr. Federson has performed this procedure so many times, he could do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back. Show him, doctor.'

'Don't worry about your heart - it will last you till the end of your days. . .!'

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"This'll show the Theology Department."

'It's called a bedSIDE manner, Doctor.'

Heart Rate, Respiration, Insurance Remaining.

'Two scalpels and a nurses hat are missing...'

Why dogs are not hired to do bone scans

'Oi! We're your nipples you idiot!'

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

'Who gets the penile implant, him or me?'

Patient charts

"Hey Frank, how was your colonoscopy?" "In and out."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mister Kane...You've got 'Shingles'.'

"I'm not really a doctor. I'm a placebo."

'How's the new pacemaker.'

'One of the side effects of this medication is it gives people the urge to operate heavy machinery.'

"Open mike night"

"While I'm not an internist...I'd say you coughed up your small intestines!"

'Your X-Rays are here. . . beautiful high-resolution!'

"It's weeder's elbow."

"I'm afraid someone drank your sample."

"Fortunately treatment will be relatively inexpensive since you have the generic form of the disease!"

Homework eating dogs

"I'll only remove what's necessary...your gall bladder and the man bun."

"The defibrillator's not for pressing panini."

'No, Mr.Carson...a booster shot is NOT a double whiskey!'

"OK, I'll go to my room, but one day I'll get back at you by going to college and putting you into deep financial debt."