Jokester In The Medical Field Gifts

"Med school was a blast."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

Virtual Doctor

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

Cardiologist Henry Weil like to add some levity before surgery by hiding a whoopee cushion on the operating table.

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

Hypochondria Hospital

'Don't worry about your heart - it will last you till the end of your days. . .!'

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'Dr. Federson has performed this procedure so many times, he could do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back. Show him, doctor.'

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

Pharmaco. He writes drug side effect warnings. Ah, a health scare provider.

Heart Rate, Respiration, Insurance Remaining.

'Two scalpels and a nurses hat are missing...'

"Next time you give CPR try not to use your tongue."

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'

Why dogs are not hired to do bone scans

'So did you want the ectomy, or just the otomy?'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

I like a lot of witnesses around.

'You'd better stick with blurry eyes, anxiety attacks and hallucinations, because he drug prescription, I'd give,shows even greater side effects!'

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

Patient charts

"Hey Frank, how was your colonoscopy?" "In and out."

Tinnitus.

'I don't need a bed pan, but an oil pan would be nice.'