Medical Research Gifts

Another successful recruitment drive for the Collins University Medical Research Center.

"So I guess this probably counts as an adverse event."

Sorry the dementia statistics are not ready, they keep losing count.'

'There is an experimental treatment using mice that looks very promising. Unfortunately, you're a hamster.'

I suppose this probably counts as an adverse event.

Clinical Trails. . . Prevention . . . Detection. . . Diagnosis. . . Treatment.

'It was getting mouldy, so I threw it out.'

"It looks like beer could ward off Alzheimer's."

'Your research is very promising. It's just a shame you're afraid of mice.'

"Poor results I'm afraid." "I don't understand! I paid a fortune for this trial!"

'How's the gene-splicing going? Cloned any new hepatitis antibodies?'

Health MOTs will attract 'worried well'.

'This doesn't look good. I'm afraid you've developed an immunity to placebos.'

'At last - the new flu vaccine.' 'Hold everything. We've just discovered a newer flu virus.'

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

"So Dennis, Daphne tells us you work for Delta Medical Research Laboraties."

'I'm very impressed with your web research, this self-diagnosis would be 100 accurate...if you were a patagonian fruit bat.'

'We're looking for somebody in medical research.'

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"

'It's very rare. We don't even have a colored ribbon for it yet.'

"Biggest damn virus I've ever seen."

'Guinea pig - without whose help...'

The Mayo Clinic

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

'Well, now that you've found a cure, all our funding will be sent to another division.'

'For the last time, Timpkins---will you stop messing with the near death experiment patients?!'

Nose bleeding research clinic.

Stem Cell Research and Ethics

'I'm sorry. There is no Cure.'

"Personally, I never take anything but aspirin."

'He donated his body to medical research...'

"He has a little place in the basement where he's trying to transmute amethysts into antibiotics."

"If there was a reality show about your condition,the research would be a lot more motivated."

'My brain storm sequed immediately into a brain cramp.'

'This is wonderful. It will help millions of people.'