Medical Research T-Shirts

Another successful recruitment drive for the Collins University Medical Research Center.

"So I guess this probably counts as an adverse event."

Sorry the dementia statistics are not ready, they keep losing count.'

I suppose this probably counts as an adverse event.

'There is an experimental treatment using mice that looks very promising. Unfortunately, you're a hamster.'

Clinical Trails. . . Prevention . . . Detection. . . Diagnosis. . . Treatment.

'It was getting mouldy, so I threw it out.'

"It looks like beer could ward off Alzheimer's."

'Your research is very promising. It's just a shame you're afraid of mice.'

"Poor results I'm afraid." "I don't understand! I paid a fortune for this trial!"

'How's the gene-splicing going? Cloned any new hepatitis antibodies?'

'We're looking for somebody in medical research.'

"So Dennis, Daphne tells us you work for Delta Medical Research Laboraties."

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

'This doesn't look good. I'm afraid you've developed an immunity to placebos.'

Health MOTs will attract 'worried well'.

'I'm very impressed with your web research, this self-diagnosis would be 100 accurate...if you were a patagonian fruit bat.'

'At last - the new flu vaccine.' 'Hold everything. We've just discovered a newer flu virus.'

"Biggest damn virus I've ever seen."

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"

'It's very rare. We don't even have a colored ribbon for it yet.'

Nose bleeding research clinic.

"Personally, I never take anything but aspirin."

'For the last time, Timpkins---will you stop messing with the near death experiment patients?!'

'Guinea pig - without whose help...'

Stem Cell Research and Ethics

'This is wonderful. It will help millions of people.'

"If there was a reality show about your condition,the research would be a lot more motivated."

'I'm sorry. There is no Cure.'

"He has a little place in the basement where he's trying to transmute amethysts into antibiotics."

'He donated his body to medical research...'

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

'Well, now that you've found a cure, all our funding will be sent to another division.'

"I was in a COVID control group and received the sugar pills. Now I'm diabetic. . ."

"Sorry I'm late, Ted, but your dad has to work so you can go to the best drug research trials in the country!"