Clinical Research T-Shirts

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"Our war is against cancer."

A boy is sat at a desk, with five plaques implying different qualifications he has earned from using social media.

Virtual Doctor

'How's the gene-splicing going? Cloned any new hepatitis antibodies?'

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

"How long before the clinical trials are over?"

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

'What's holding him up?'

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

"You've received a death sentence, Mr. Covid."

"I hate it when the palcebo does better than the drugs we're testing."

"I've sewn on 2 right hands, and have made you ambidextrous!"

'Hey - It says here, we're related!'

'You were right, you are in the placebo group.'

Lyme Disease Research Lab

"Always with the cancer cures, this one."

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

"Fortunately I hold the patent for the gene that's causing the ringing in your ears, and I can refer you to the doctor who holds the patent for the gene that's causing the pain in your ears."

California fires and Coronavirus

'These are preliminary results, but there seems to be a correlation between global warming and baby boomer women's hot flashes.'

'He's one of those genetically-altered antibodies.'

"We only test our drugs on plants, so we have to do lots and lots of extrapolating."

"But you both can't be the 'father' of Ammonium Pentoxide Phosphate."

Now this is Dr. Brainstorm, he's trying to breed a moth that will eat synthetics.

"Well the good news is that everything was supposed to be bad for you is actually good, but the bad news is that everything that you thought was good for you is actually bad."

'It's worse than I thought: the frog in your throat has a frog in its throat.'

Clinical Trails. . . Prevention . . . Detection. . . Diagnosis. . . Treatment.

Placebonex: 'Make sure to take it every day, otherwise the effect wears off.'

"So Dennis, Daphne tells us you work for Delta Medical Research Laboraties."