Medical Professional In-jokes Gifts

"Another bad night then?"

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

Hypochondria Hospital

'Dr. Federson has performed this procedure so many times, he could do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back. Show him, doctor.'

'Where does it hurt?'

'No, you don't have hemorrhoids. You have a case of himorrhoids, has your husband been a pain in the butt, lately?'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

"Definitely work-related."

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

I like a lot of witnesses around.

Tinnitus.

Chiropodist is wearing a gas mask while treating a client.

Oh, good - Looks like the doctor's in.

"While I'm not an internist...I'd say you coughed up your small intestines!"

'Good grief. I think your body rejected your cornea transplant.'

"I'm afraid someone drank your sample."

'We may as well make use of you.'

'I see that somebody grabbed the bull by the horns.'

You're going to give me a hay fever shot? Shouldn't I be getting an anti hay fever shot?

"Fortunately treatment will be relatively inexpensive since you have the generic form of the disease!"

"I'm a dentist but I dabble in noses."

'What's that noise?'

"Trust me, Senator. Many people have active and fulfilling sex lives long after they've retired from Congress."

Catch 72

"Med school was a blast."

'Perhaps dressing up my skeleton like this wasn't as wittily amusing an ideas as I'd thought.'

'What's the problem?'

'I've broken a tooth.'

"And there's a surcharge if you insist on annoying the doctor with any self-diagnosis you found on google."