Medical Procedure Payment Gifts

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

Invoice: 'That's good laughter is the best medicine.'

Look on the bright side...they'll probably name a disease after you.

'What do you mean, you've had a change of heart?'

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

"When I said hair transplant I meant more than one."

Eye, ear, nose, throat and loans to pay the bills.

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

"If it's an expensive surgery, we now implant a GPS tracking device for the hospital's collections department."

Emma is very happy that the doctor will finally remove the growth on Daddy's nose but she's also a little sad to see it go...

'And that's the simplest way to surgically remove a 'mole' from the patient!'

"The initial test results are in and you have excellent coverage."

'The doctor told me to avoid stress and then sends me a bill for $670.00.'

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

'I'm going to check with my pastor to see what the Bible says about this operation.'

Doctor to man: 'You'll need to empty your pockets. For symbolic purposes, let's start with your wallet.'

'He's the most important man here - He writes the compliance procedures for the DEPARTMENT of Compliance!'

'We're moving you from intensive care to intensive billing.'

"Hey Frank, how was your colonoscopy?" "In and out."

"It's about time the price of generic drugs went down! Oh, and give me fifty quick picks."

"Next time you want me to swallow a camera, just wrap it in bacon!"

'Mobile reception OK in there?'

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

"I told you we were being stitched up. This consultant's bills are outrageous."

"Recovery involves elements of faith. So let's pray my billing service, this hospital and your insurance provider all work smoothly together."

"Whoa...not so fast! First of all please tell me your address, your health insurance number, and spell your name for me, Mr. HelpI'mBleedingToDeath."

'Nurse Wilhelm will be live-blogging the whole procedure.'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'He's playing 'Doctor'.'

Is there anyone here from 'customer care'? Could you tell them I'll ring back as soon as I've got my new kidney in!