Medical Procedure Payment Gifts

New You Plastic Surgery. That's right, doctor, I gave her the bill and her nose went right out of joint again.

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

Invoice: 'That's good laughter is the best medicine.'

Look on the bright side...they'll probably name a disease after you.

"We found a problem with your bill. It's too low. But I'm confident we can get it into the unaffordabe range soon."

'What do you mean, you've had a change of heart?'

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

"When I said hair transplant I meant more than one."

Eye, ear, nose, throat and loans to pay the bills.

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

Emma is very happy that the doctor will finally remove the growth on Daddy's nose but she's also a little sad to see it go...

"If it's an expensive surgery, we now implant a GPS tracking device for the hospital's collections department."

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

'And that's the simplest way to surgically remove a 'mole' from the patient!'

"The initial test results are in and you have excellent coverage."

"But Doctor - will the government pay for Ferris Buelleritis?"

Doctor to man: 'You'll need to empty your pockets. For symbolic purposes, let's start with your wallet.'

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

'The doctor told me to avoid stress and then sends me a bill for $670.00.'

'I'm going to check with my pastor to see what the Bible says about this operation.'

'He's the most important man here - He writes the compliance procedures for the DEPARTMENT of Compliance!'

'We're moving you from intensive care to intensive billing.'

"Hey Frank, how was your colonoscopy?" "In and out."

"It's about time the price of generic drugs went down! Oh, and give me fifty quick picks."

"Next time you want me to swallow a camera, just wrap it in bacon!"

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

'Mobile reception OK in there?'

"I told you we were being stitched up. This consultant's bills are outrageous."

Is there anyone here from 'customer care'? Could you tell them I'll ring back as soon as I've got my new kidney in!

'Nurse Wilhelm will be live-blogging the whole procedure.'

"Recovery involves elements of faith. So let's pray my billing service, this hospital and your insurance provider all work smoothly together."

"Whoa...not so fast! First of all please tell me your address, your health insurance number, and spell your name for me, Mr. HelpI'mBleedingToDeath."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'