Medical Novelty Gifts

In an operating theatre, a jack-in-the-box jumps our of the patients stomach

2021

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"The first one's just a warning."

TAP TAP TAP TAP

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

'Your reflexes are still good!'

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'Grandma, does the hospital charge by the pound when people have babies?'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'Yeah, the radiology job market is really hot right now - it's so hot I think I'm getting third degree burns! I gotta go!'

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

'It's not easy being fabulous and caretaking.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

"That new antibiotic seems to be working. Time to evolve again."

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

"Jerry's blood pressure jumped to a six month high on News of the dollar's weakness."

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

'Well I haven't had a chance to review all your readings in depth, but if I were to be forced to make an educated guess I'd say that your were knackered!'

'My obstetrician recommended I nurture it in the interest of science.'