Medical Misadventures Fan Gifts

"There was no large metal object in your rib cage after all. Turns out I was just seeing this old-timey doctor thing on my forehead."

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'Will you be wanting this?'

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'

It's a pretty serious chemical imbalance, Mr. Sims

"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"

"This patient must be really rich! He brought back the most extravagant illnesses from exotic holiday spots."

"You're sure it's a birthmark?"

'Say, please.'

'There are some things they don't teach you in medical school. I think you've got one of those things.'

'First the good news - we've all got to go sometime...'

Obstetrics.

"We'd like to start out being very involved with you but eventually be drawn away to much more interesting cases down the hall."

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

'Oh, don't mind them, We're shooting a reality-based TV series,'

'The GOOD news is that the medication you took has completely cleared up your hardening of the arteries.'

Medical Curiosities

'Maintenance to the O.R....Maintenance to the O.R....'

'Who was that masked man? I never got the chance to thank him!'

'Whoops! Get my lawyer on the phone!'

'Damn it! I suppose this means another malpractice suit!'

"I'm afraid the shark got your arms and legs. It's probably not a good time, but your brother's here. He needs a kidney."

'All right, so he dropped the heart. The floor is clean.'

'Sorry about that, Miss Delsey. I guess the boat wasn't sinking after all.'

Sling

I told you I lost it in the sun.

'You're fine it's just ketchup.'

'Well you can tell Dr. Zimler that you don't have Dalnik's syndrome, and, in fact, I think you have Zimler's syndrome.'

"See? Right there - my wedding ring."

"Sorry Mr. Parkinson, but I've left some rubber gloves inside you. I need to open you up to retrieve them."

Yes, the results of your blood test came back, Mr. Fusco. But they're for me to know, and you to find out. ! !

'You don't have time for a second opinion, Mr. Garvey. We've got to cut to the chase!'