Medical Misdiagnosis Fan Gifts

"Diverticulitis, hamartoma, schistosome, labyrinthitis...it sounds like the flu to me!"

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

"It wasn't a carcinoma at all- it was just an itty-bitty attorney."

"This patient must be really rich! He brought back the most extravagant illnesses from exotic holiday spots."

"You're sure it's a birthmark?"

'There are some things they don't teach you in medical school. I think you've got one of those things.'

"We'd like to start out being very involved with you but eventually be drawn away to much more interesting cases down the hall."

"Elective surgery? But I'm not even registered to vote!"

Medical Curiosities

"I'm afraid the shark got your arms and legs. It's probably not a good time, but your brother's here. He needs a kidney."

"Sorry Mr. Parkinson, but I've left some rubber gloves inside you. I need to open you up to retrieve them."

Sling

'Well you can tell Dr. Zimler that you don't have Dalnik's syndrome, and, in fact, I think you have Zimler's syndrome.'

"Oh, here's the problem. He's got a doohickey on his thingamabob."

Broken legs and broken nose in the hospital.

'Quite frankly, Mr. Bayliss, you've got us baffled.'

"Well it's not so much an ITCH, more a slight irritation, what could it be?"

"There's a man at the door with a wooden leg."

"There's no response! Are you sure he's in there?"

'The bad news is you had two diseases no one in history ever had together, The good news is they canceled each other out'

'You're fine.'

"I can't find anything wrong with you at all."

'Wow! Well this certainly rules out hypochondria!'

'For patients with a diagnosis of amnesia, send billing statements weekly until paid.'

"The doctor said I suffer from hypochondria. And you said there was nothing wrong with me."

'Strip DOWN to your waist, Mr Yomp, not UP!'

'I've got a dog and I'm worried that it might catch avian flu from a turkey and develop a new strain of caninebird flu that I might catch!...Have you got something I can take to stop that happening?'

"I'd say you're in great shape... in fact, you've got the heart of a 20 year old!'