Medical Conundrum Fan Gifts

'There are some things they don't teach you in medical school. I think you've got one of those things.'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

"It's probably a fracture - we'll do some imaging on it just to be sure."

'That's not what I meant by 'IV'.'

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

'My goodness, how many miricle drugs did they give you?'

"Well, you may not have the body of an athlete, but you certainly have the foot of one."

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'I think you'll get a kick out of our 'haunted' MRI, Mrs. Hanratty.'

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'

'I've discovered you have feet of clay.'

"Here comes the super-visor."

Johns Hopkins School of Best Medicine

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

It's a pretty serious chemical imbalance, Mr. Sims

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."