Medical Conundrum Fan Pillows

'There are some things they don't teach you in medical school. I think you've got one of those things.'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

"It's probably a fracture - we'll do some imaging on it just to be sure."

'That's not what I meant by 'IV'.'

'My goodness, how many miricle drugs did they give you?'

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

"Well, you may not have the body of an athlete, but you certainly have the foot of one."

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."

"Here comes the super-visor."

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

'I've discovered you have feet of clay.'

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"