Medical Maverick Gifts

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

'Now what seems to be the problem?'

Sign in doctors office - Malpractice Makes Perfect.

Medical lawsuits.

'Sorry, but we are shorthanded today...'

"We don't let computers mess up your medical records. We do it by hand."

"Yee-ouch! That's gotta hurt."

Surgery With Lawyer Waiting Outside.

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

"It was a complicated surgery, but hey, that's what YouTube videos are for, right?"

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'That was quick!'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

With the victim of the bar fight badly in need of blood, a quick-thinking doctor ran an IV line from the plasma screen TV.

'You need a heart valve replacement. We have staff going down to a nearby farm to look for a donor.'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

'He's our new Geriatric specialist!'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'

'The FDA hasn't approved these pills yet, but the CIA swears by them!'

"At what point was I moved from intensive care to expensive care?"

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

'You've got to buy a centrifuge for these hematocrits, Doctor!...

Outpatient clinic is outside.

'The gene therapy we used is our intellectual property, so we had you copyrighted.'

'No wait....This one is the oral thermometer.'

'Found problem... you passed kidney rock.'

'Eureka! I discovered a drug to cure drug side effects!'

'In the doctor's defense, there have been no serious post operative complications.'

GP pensions to rise.

As a doctor I can only say that although the jury is out regarding the benefits of cannabis smoking, I can say with confidence that this particular sample would make one bitchin' spliff.

"Shows you how much I know."

"I'll be blunt. You don't have much time. In three days I'm turning this over to a collection agency."