Medical Malpractice Lawyer Gifts

'They're 65 malpractice lawyers on the way to a conference whose bus got rear-ended by a semi!'

'Where is the parcel the delivery guy brought me in the operating room?'

"Yes, our cautiousness may be a bit excessive but we do have the lowest litigation rates in the industry."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

"I should have been a lawyer. I'm great at ambulance chasing!"

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

'I'd say you have a water-tight case there, boys.'

'Thanks for leaving that sponge in me, Doc. Now I can drink twice as much wine.'

'Brain surgery, right?'

"I do corporate, divorce, and malpractice, but I'm most familiar with leash laws."

Snowman about snowman fallen on ice: 'Obviously they would have had time to clear the ice.'

'I hereby sentence you to 15 months in doctors' waiting rooms!'

'That is one nasty whiplash!'

I like a lot of witnesses around.

A fellow participating in many activities and everything is fine until someone bumps his car and then his back hurts,

Lawyer to client: 'Yes, your turnover at the pastry shop would fall under tort law.'

Injured? I told you so but you didn't listen

Malpractice Specialist.

'May I remind you that this patient is a very successful lawyer specializing in medical malpractice?'

Lawyer to lady: 'Since I specialize in eye injuries, I've eliminated all the fine print.'

'Sign this notarised statement that you will not sue the NHS if you contract lung cancer, and the government will let you buy fags at half price.'

Lawyer to client: 'Your slip and fall on ice would have more credibility if you weren't drinking ice tea at the time ... at South Beach.'

Solicitor personal injury specialist - "So, you were at work when you tripped over the Health and Safety officer."

'The attorney will see you just as soon as you put this neck-brace on.'

Client with eye injury to lawyer: 'It's affected my vision to where even my hindsight is no longer 2020.'

Litigation Advice: 'Miss Beamish, in this office never, ever, say 'accidents will happen'...'

'Mr. Simms, I think you have a very strong case for malpractice regarding your hip replacement.'

'At last Igor finds a body with the appropriate consent form.'