Malpractice Maverick Gifts

"I'm going to sue the NHS"/"Me too"

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

Sign in doctors office - Malpractice Makes Perfect.

Finally! A cure for the common cold!

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

'A little more relaxant I think, nurse.'

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

'I like to think of the common bile duct as the gateway to the Bahamas.

Health Care Crisis table.

'Frank is into D.I.Y...'Destroy It Yourself'!'

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'In the doctor's defense, there have been no serious post operative complications.'

' Of course there isn't one law for the rich and another for the poor..There's only one impartial law. For all who can afford it.'

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

First aid departments

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

'You're kidding... I've got a masters in philosophy too!'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

Celebration in operating theatre.

'Thanks for leaving that sponge in me, Doc. Now I can drink twice as much wine.'

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

"We could try reversing the drug's side effects with gene therapy, but we don't want to get into trouble with the SPCA."

'Doctor, the patient would like to know when he can return to being an overbearing, stressed-out pig?'

Cleaner with nameplate next to Consultant Surgeon's desk.

'It has undergone a thorough research programme. I've shown it to my wife and her sister.'

DO IT YOURSELF - Four new jobs we'll all have to do ourselves