Medical Malpractice Maven Gifts

'After examining the evidence, I feel the only place to take your botched vasectomy case is to small claims court.'

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

Superbug Research Go For It / Got it

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"That's a big fat lie!"

'She's one of our nurses hiding from the patient load.'

Pre-Old Blues

The Canary in the Coal Mine

Look on the bright side...they'll probably name a disease after you.

The end is near

Podiatry. The greated podiatrist of all time, you say? Yep. I studied at his feet.

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'How could it have been rough for you back in Pharmacy school, Dad? You only had penicillin and aspirin.'

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

'Well, we're off for our xmas break - I'm sure you can manage without us for a couple of weeks.'

Vaccine hurdles

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

'Where does it hurt?'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

ANd the Oscar for the best special side effects goes to ASTRAZENECA!

Orthopedics. Pediatrics. Stuff they never taught your in nursing school.

'U.S. Manufacturing'

"You just made medical history Mr Burnside. Your're the first one ever struck by lightning while on a bed pan."

"First, admit no harm."

"Don't just stand there gawping women! Give me a hand with my monthly salary!"

"Dad, I want to become a doctor. I already know something about anatomy: A human being consists of a head, a belly, legs, arms, and a smartphone."

'You forgot you list of possible side-effects.'