Medicolegal Maven Gifts

"First, admit no harm."

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

Superbug Research Go For It / Got it

Prepare to meet thy mechanic.

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"That's a big fat lie!"

'She's one of our nurses hiding from the patient load.'

The end is near

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

Podiatry. The greated podiatrist of all time, you say? Yep. I studied at his feet.

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Pre-Old Blues

The Canary in the Coal Mine

Look on the bright side...they'll probably name a disease after you.

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'How could it have been rough for you back in Pharmacy school, Dad? You only had penicillin and aspirin.'

'Well, we're off for our xmas break - I'm sure you can manage without us for a couple of weeks.'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

Vaccine hurdles

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

'Where does it hurt?'

ANd the Oscar for the best special side effects goes to ASTRAZENECA!

'U.S. Manufacturing'

"You just made medical history Mr Burnside. Your're the first one ever struck by lightning while on a bed pan."

Orthopedics. Pediatrics. Stuff they never taught your in nursing school.

"That metallic grinding means her throwout bearings are shot. She's backfiring through her carburetor. The tick indicates transmission trouble, and the smoke means she's on fire."

'It seems with every year my hot flashes get worse.'

"Dad, I want to become a doctor. I already know something about anatomy: A human being consists of a head, a belly, legs, arms, and a smartphone."

"Don't just stand there gawping women! Give me a hand with my monthly salary!"

"Oh no, those aren't recharging stations for phones. We have those there so physicians can get themselves recharged!"