Medicine Mavens Gifts

'We have a tournament to see which drug reps get to see the doctors.'

'Well, the whole purpose of creating the species was because I needed a pill for impotence. Now that they've invented this, we can make them extinct!'

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

Superbug Research Go For It / Got it

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"That's a big fat lie!"

Finally! A cure for the common cold!

'She's one of our nurses hiding from the patient load.'

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

The end is near

"I prefer 'prostitute'. 'Media whore' implies that I'm not getting paid."

Look on the bright side...they'll probably name a disease after you.

The Canary in the Coal Mine

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

Pre-Old Blues

Podiatry. The greated podiatrist of all time, you say? Yep. I studied at his feet.

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'How could it have been rough for you back in Pharmacy school, Dad? You only had penicillin and aspirin.'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

'Well, we're off for our xmas break - I'm sure you can manage without us for a couple of weeks.'

"An appointment? Let's see... She could fit you in before breakfast TV, or after lunch on Radio Two, or between Radio Four afternoon and the Drive Home SHow..."

Vaccine hurdles

'We'll skip that rubbish.'

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

'Where does it hurt?'

ANd the Oscar for the best special side effects goes to ASTRAZENECA!

"Accepting for..."

"You just made medical history Mr Burnside. Your're the first one ever struck by lightning while on a bed pan."

Orthopedics. Pediatrics. Stuff they never taught your in nursing school.

"She leaked WHAT to the press?"

"First, admit no harm."