Medical Mystery Maven Gifts

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

Superbug Research Go For It / Got it

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"That's a big fat lie!"

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

'She's one of our nurses hiding from the patient load.'

'Well, none of the other options worked, so we installed a power cord on him -- if he starts going haywire again just unplug him and wait 30 seconds.'

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

Look on the bright side...they'll probably name a disease after you.

Paging for a Doctor

"Who has removed the appendix from the medical text book?"

The end is near

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'How could it have been rough for you back in Pharmacy school, Dad? You only had penicillin and aspirin.'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

'Well, we're off for our xmas break - I'm sure you can manage without us for a couple of weeks.'

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

Vaccine hurdles

"Went in for a simple blood test and got cloned by mistake."

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

'Where does it hurt?'

"I'm afraid we're going to have to remove your appendix."

ANd the Oscar for the best special side effects goes to ASTRAZENECA!

Illustrated Encyclopedia of Infectious Diseases

'When you suggest that I might want the second, third, or even the forth opinion...are you saying my condition is THAT bad?!'

"Do you have a family history of this condition?"