Medicinal Maven Gifts

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

Muscles

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

"Forget sugar and spice and everything nice. I'm going for buns of steel!"

"Like that?"

Superbug Research Go For It / Got it

'I suppose you think that's funny.'

"You'll have to forgive Roland. He still uses 'stomach' and 'abdominals' interchangeably."

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

Prepare to meet thy mechanic.

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"That's a big fat lie!"

'She's one of our nurses hiding from the patient load.'

Look on the bright side...they'll probably name a disease after you.

Podiatry. The greated podiatrist of all time, you say? Yep. I studied at his feet.

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

Pre-Old Blues

The end is near

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

The Canary in the Coal Mine

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'The highest court in the land.'

'How could it have been rough for you back in Pharmacy school, Dad? You only had penicillin and aspirin.'

'Well, we're off for our xmas break - I'm sure you can manage without us for a couple of weeks.'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

'I'm putting you on a diet: No more fat knights, maidens only...'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'Sorry, you're just not built right for weightlifting.'

Vaccine hurdles

Weight lifter using his foot to take a photograph.

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'