Alternative Medicine Maven Gifts

"This cabernet sauvignon will have you feeling more like yourself in no time."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

Hot Pie Therapy

"I keep on getting these feelings of love, peace and empathy..."

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"Like that?"

Superbug Research Go For It / Got it

'I suppose you think that's funny.'

Prepare to meet thy mechanic.

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"That's a big fat lie!"

'She's one of our nurses hiding from the patient load.'

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

Podiatry. The greated podiatrist of all time, you say? Yep. I studied at his feet.

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

The end is near

Look on the bright side...they'll probably name a disease after you.

Pre-Old Blues

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

The Canary in the Coal Mine

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'How could it have been rough for you back in Pharmacy school, Dad? You only had penicillin and aspirin.'

'Well, we're off for our xmas break - I'm sure you can manage without us for a couple of weeks.'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

'I'm putting you on a diet: No more fat knights, maidens only...'

Vaccine hurdles

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

'Where does it hurt?'

ANd the Oscar for the best special side effects goes to ASTRAZENECA!

"Aren't you getting a little carried away with this herbal medicine, Doctor?"