Medical Advice Maven Gifts

The Canary in the Coal Mine

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"I keep on getting these feelings of love, peace and empathy..."

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

Superbug Research Go For It / Got it

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"That's a big fat lie!"

'She's one of our nurses hiding from the patient load.'

The end is near

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

Pre-Old Blues

Podiatry. The greated podiatrist of all time, you say? Yep. I studied at his feet.

Look on the bright side...they'll probably name a disease after you.

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'How could it have been rough for you back in Pharmacy school, Dad? You only had penicillin and aspirin.'

'Well, we're off for our xmas break - I'm sure you can manage without us for a couple of weeks.'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

When it comes to health issues, I'd rather listen to a physician than a spin doctor.

Vaccine hurdles

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

'Where does it hurt?'

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

ANd the Oscar for the best special side effects goes to ASTRAZENECA!

"You just made medical history Mr Burnside. Your're the first one ever struck by lightning while on a bed pan."

Post-psychoanalysis

Orthopedics. Pediatrics. Stuff they never taught your in nursing school.

'Psychoanalysis is passé. I suggest we ask for asylum in France.'

"You bet I'm stressed, I can't stop imagining there's a poacher hiding behind every bush..."

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'