Malpractice Maven Gifts

'My insurance company embeds an Attorney.'

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Jack of all trades

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

'Motherhood is great, but I get a really sore back...'

Superbug Research Go For It / Got it

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'She's one of our nurses hiding from the patient load.'

'Well OF COURSE I rotate the tires! How do you think I got here?'

Podiatry. The greated podiatrist of all time, you say? Yep. I studied at his feet.

Look on the bright side...they'll probably name a disease after you.

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

The end is near

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

Maternity Unit - 'Congratulations! It's a midwife!'

'How could it have been rough for you back in Pharmacy school, Dad? You only had penicillin and aspirin.'

'Well, we're off for our xmas break - I'm sure you can manage without us for a couple of weeks.'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

Jerk Gene

'I'm studying how other geniuses handled creative blocks.'

Vaccine hurdles

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

"'Routine examination' were the only two words in the doctor's mind when he placed the stethoscope on..."

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

'Where does it hurt?'

ANd the Oscar for the best special side effects goes to ASTRAZENECA!

'And Remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Mothercare - " I'm going to shop till I drop."

'Our ultrasound equipment is not working, so we've brought in famed psychic Jennifer Armstrong to give us a vision of the fetus.'

Orthopedics. Pediatrics. Stuff they never taught your in nursing school.