Medical Malpractice Case Gifts

'Mr. Simms, I think you have a very strong case for malpractice regarding your hip replacement.'

Barbeque Casualty.

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

'Thanks for leaving that sponge in me, Doc. Now I can drink twice as much wine.'

'Brain surgery, right?'

"I do corporate, divorce, and malpractice, but I'm most familiar with leash laws."

"ll I was doing was following my dream...turns out that contravened the restraining order."

'I hereby sentence you to 15 months in doctors' waiting rooms!'

Welcome to your 7395 consecutive day of working on this case.

'It had a happy ending... the guy loses the girl, but finds a good attorney.'

"OK, state of New Mexico vs. Alex Baldwin, take two... aaaand ACTION!"

'May I remind you that this patient is a very successful lawyer specializing in medical malpractice?'

'Would you like my professional advice, or my honest opinion?.'

Lawyer to client: 'Your slip and fall on ice would have more credibility if you weren't drinking ice tea at the time ... at South Beach.'

'She's a little upset. Apparently, when the cosmetic surgeon asked her what kind of chin she'd like, she thought he said gin and asked for a double.'

"I seem to recall reading about a similar case, many years ago."

I could only get a settlement of £50,000 and you get some of it.

'Where is the parcel the delivery guy brought me in the operating room?'

"Yes, our cautiousness may be a bit excessive but we do have the lowest litigation rates in the industry."

'There are plenty of entries, with lots of graphic detail, Mrs. Greer, but I don't think your husband's wine diary is sufficient evidence for divorce.'

Judge: 'I will not have this courtroom be turned into a circus! ... no matter how fun it may be.'

'I had your court case moved up to tomorrow. I want you to look your best.'

'Mr. Jayson, get back into your bandages.'

'Try not to make this doctor nervous ? this will be his first operation.'

Lawyer to jury: 'Jury members, may I remind you: my client being sickened by this is not the first time consumers have fallen ill to this company's gross domestic product.'

"Thank you, madam, but it's a parking ticket. The prosecution doesn't need you to testify against your husband."

'Jailhouse bono!'

"The Judge gave me a choice - marry his daughter or go to jail. You're looking at a happy man."