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How to Keep the Doctors Guessing

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Lactose Intolerant

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

Pets are reading the book 'Animal Farm'.

"Well, we needed the rain."

Dating an English Major

"Gone with the wind with cats" "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." "Me neither, who cares—let's take a nap."

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

'You want a quick read? How about this one: 'Memoirs of an Amnesic'?'

'Et tu Yakamoto?'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

'Tarzan interviewing for a position as a corporate lawyer.' An interviewer asks, 'When we go against the gorillas, how can we be sure that you won't forget which side you're representing?'

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"I feel your pain level."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

Silvio Berlusconi - The emperors new clothes.

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

Book vs technology

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'Don't worry. We still have a few more treatment options available.'

"Your veins are too narrow. Let me get our in-house specialist to help."

'You've got dry scalp.'