Medical History Fan Gifts

Old- Fashioned Dental Surgery

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

"We're doing everything we can to make him comfortable, short of dressing up as male doctors."

Cures for Ye Plague

'Feed a cold, starve the plague.'

PHARMACY, 'Tell Hippocrates to write his prescriptions in Greek -- I can't read Babylonian!'

Edward Jenner

"This patient must be really rich! He brought back the most extravagant illnesses from exotic holiday spots."

"You're sure it's a birthmark?"

Leeches, lucky charms, rat catching. The secretary of health is in.

"Trepanning for gold"

Early Blood Draw

"We'd like to start out being very involved with you but eventually be drawn away to much more interesting cases down the hall."

John Snow

Operation Tattoo

'The GOOD news is that the medication you took has completely cleared up your hardening of the arteries.'

Covid Vaccines

Vaccine race

"Milton finally found a doctor he can trust - one who still believes in the healing power of money."

"I'm afraid the shark got your arms and legs. It's probably not a good time, but your brother's here. He needs a kidney."

'First Rogaine, now Viagra'

An early medical case ripe for a malpractice lawsuit.

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

'In this practice we like to have the best of the old with the best of the new.'

"We use leeches on the test subjects and slugs on the control group."

Hospital Gift Shop

"So why is it that we only get to see you whenever you need a gruesome amputation?"

'Well you can tell Dr. Zimler that you don't have Dalnik's syndrome, and, in fact, I think you have Zimler's syndrome.'

Yes, the results of your blood test came back, Mr. Fusco. But they're for me to know, and you to find out. ! !

Consultation of Physicians.

Antique Ailments

"Sorry Mr. Parkinson, but I've left some rubber gloves inside you. I need to open you up to retrieve them."

"Oh, here's the problem. He's got a doohickey on his thingamabob."

"We'll be performing the operation using original instruments."

Florence Nightingale