Medical Literature Lover Gifts

'I'm sorry, but there are now 16,000 medical jounals, and I no longer have time to see any patients.'

'Ah! Doctor Fallot! I've read your tetralogy! Very Stimulating!'

Over the years Dr Litmus had developed a very strong stomach - Reading anatomy book while eating breakfast

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"I feel your pain level."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'Don't worry. We still have a few more treatment options available.'

"Your test results are perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. We will operate on you for it tomorrow."

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

"I am not the famous heart surgeon, but I am in his medical group."

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

'If you begin to feel unwell, start or stop taking aspirin...'

Eye, ear, nose, throat and loans to pay the bills.

"Since Dr Mullin's ill, a temp from Manpower will perform your liver transplant."

The NHS begins using outside contractors for routine operations.

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Esq.

"On a scale of 1-10, how painfully awkward is this?"

"I'm afraid you have a slow, painful, terminal disease, so I'm sending you to a hospital where you can catch a quicker one."

"It'll need a carburettor transplant, a right wing panel augmentation, and an engine oil transfusion... Maybe you should consider euthanasia."

"Fortunately I hold the patent for the gene that's causing the ringing in your ears, and I can refer you to the doctor who holds the patent for the gene that's causing the pain in your ears."

Early Blood Draw

"Very funny."

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

Anatomy.

"The good news is we were able to save your leg..."

"While you're at it, could you give him some pizzazz?"

"We find that when we damage the part of the brain that contains ethical boundaries, the patient becomes much more adept at screwing people."