Medical Journey Gifts

Man walking past the offices of the medical practitioners needed throughout the course of life.

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"I hear he's taking an experimental drug called, 'It Ain't Over Till It's Over.'"

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

Attack of the 'health' foods

Ed finally had to admit that his body was less of a temple and more of a worn-out parish church with a bouncy castle out front.

"You're just a shell of your former self. You need to improve your diet."

"I’d like to return my Fitbit—It won’t stop calling me a lazy piece of sh*t."

''Exercise'? -- But I hate to eat and run!'

'I was a junior doctor when I started this shift.'

'I've added a few minutes to that hour glass figure I had in school.'

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

"FYI that the novocaine will numb the pain caused by the drill but won’t help with the pain caused by the overhead adult contemporary music."

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

I only weigh 95 kilograms...That's 210...in pounds!

Woman and scales.

Exercising in Confinement

'What we have here is a hostage situation - There's a thin person inside you screaming to get out.'

'I want you to slow down, and that includes fast food.'

Brain and heart sweep away the negative

"If it's any consolation, the video went viral."

M.D. Mrs. Hoskins is here to match wits with you regarding her symptoms.

'Popcorn, carrot cake, and potato chips do not count as three servings of vegetables.'

No. 83 In A Series OF Extraordinary Unlikely Events.

"Good news! It's only cancer."

'You're meant to take off the old nicotine patches before putting on a new one!'

When I said to take a little regular exercise I didn't mean coming to see me every day.

"I tried change, it didn't work."