Medical Bill Jester Gifts

'You can have general anesthesia or just be numbed from the wallet down.'

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'Where does it hurt?'

"OK, you're going to feel a little prick, followed by a burning desire to sue me."

Dentist Trip

"Just to be on the safe side, I'd like to start an aggressive course of billing you."

Heart Rate, Respiration, Insurance Remaining.

'There's been unexpected complications involving your husband's bill.'

"I can't create your bride until you make your co-pay."

"The first bill is always a shock-everyone thinks Heaven will be free."

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

"Med Brittle"

'The doctor told me to avoid stress and then sends me a bill for $670.00.'

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"

"I got whiplash when I recoiled from your quote."

'Open your mouth and say 'Ah' -- I'm going to try some anti-virus software.'

"I've decided to be an organ donor."

"Do you carry generic placebos?"

Nil By Ear

"We're trying to save your husband."

'You should probably just ignore that. Your insurance doesn't even begin to cover it.'

'You'll get a new lease on life if your HMO will pay the rent.'

'Um ... no - I said we'll need a stool sample.'

'Dont' operate any rocks or sticks while you're using this medication.'

'That's how much time your HMO allots for bypass surgery.'

"Stop! You still need to see the receptionist about your co-pay."

'Once he stopped sticking me with needles, I felt great!'

'Jill, come take a look at Mr. Bolinder's EKG!'

'I wouldn't wait too long, for a limited time banks are offering low interest loans on coronary bypass surgery.'

"I'm no longer afraid of doctors. It�s the medical insurance men that frighten me!"

"....And Mother Yancy will be assisting the reattachment team this morning..."