Medical Bill Decipherer Gifts

"Of course it's hard to understand. They wouldn't be billing 'codes' , if they were easy to decipher."

'...just robbing peter to pay paul...what's up with you?'

'Serves you right, just tearing open the charge card bill and reading it like that!!'

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

'Okay. Now. Insert Part K into slot G...'

Medical Billing & Coding

'The doctor told me to avoid stress and then sends me a bill for $670.00.'

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

After work, of course, they'd relax and talk deconstruction. Isn't a blueprint just a series of markings with no meaning by themselves? Our job, as I see it, is to find the true essence of the materials.

'It says: 'No refills until your primary care physician is released from jail'...'

"You'll be working entirely on commission. We were kidding about the salary."

"Well, you helped me with my initial health issue, but now I've got headaches from dealing with billing and insurance!"

'His insurance company said it does not cover self-inflicted accidents.'

"We raised the price but lowered the down payment... so it kind of evens out."

'This prescription looks as though the doctor wrote it in Greek.'

Europe and TTIP

'These pamphlets will explain the procedure and these leaflets will explain the pamphlets.'

'No, no, no...that's far too legible. Shakier. Much shakier!'

"What you need is a prescription. I'm giving you some...."

'Doctor Leaping Leopard's prescriptions are always impossible to read!'

"Alrighty, let's work out that copay."

The good news is they'll probably name it after me!

'When you have your health, you have everything except money to pay for healthcare.'

'I got all woozy reading the restrictions in my health insurance contract!'

'We've upgraded your position from critical to costly.'

Pharmacist wanted. Must be able to open child-proof bottle caps & read doctor's prescriptions.

'I understand the fee for medications. But how come I was also billed for side effects.'

"Young man, Your handwriting is attrocious!"

'If the small print just locks me into the sweltering airtight hellhole that is the service agreement, we're in business.'

Thames Water bills rocket.

"The doctor has prescribed '#squiggle'."

"The phrase 'expect the unexpected' must have originated with someone trying to decipher their cell phone bill."

'I'll be glad when we switch to electronic prescriptions. Then, I will discard my chicken scratchings-to-drug formulary translation handbook.'

"That $36 is for the wrong number you dialed. It belongs to a lawyer."