Diagnosis Decipherer Gifts

The good news is they'll probably name it after me!

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

'...Contains Phixe-knide, TBHQ, hydro-cla, Cyklid, Yetfopnmide - and other unpronounceable stuff.' (grocery store)

'...just robbing peter to pay paul...what's up with you?'

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

'I diagnosed you with THAT? Whoa! You patients really need to be more involved with your healthcare!'

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

'You're free to get a second opinion, but it looks like something's wrong with that green thingie by your liver.'

"Let me guess: Step two, add sand."

"Interesting diagnosis. Now let's ask Google for a second opinion, shall we?"

'Right there is where he departs from the script.'

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

'...we were able to hide some rather significant losses.'

"It seems all doctors agree with you, but I'd still like to get a 15th opinion."

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

Maze of legalities.

"Well, Phil, after years of vague complaints and imaginary ailments, we finally have something to work with."

"I believe it translates to... have a nice day."

"Nurse, can you send in the interpreter for Senora Delgado?"

'I've never seen this symbol before. What could it mean?'

Medicine's Myriad Mysteries - "Cold?", "Muscle strain?"...

Never choose a vacation spot by its posters.

'This prescription looks as though the doctor wrote it in Greek.'

'These pamphlets will explain the procedure and these leaflets will explain the pamphlets.'