Medical Anomalies Gifts

Ace of spades instead of heart in rib cage.

TAP TAP TAP TAP

"What are you looking at, four eyes?"

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

'Time for your pills.'

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

'Well, none of the other options worked, so we installed a power cord on him -- if he starts going haywire again just unplug him and wait 30 seconds.'

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

'Have you forgotten, dear, that you gave your heart to me in nineteen ninety one?'

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

I guess that's one way to get the ER renovated.

"The x-rays came back, and — I'm sorry, but we found a very large attachment."

Infected Macron

'I'm having my colon checked.'

'You're going to have to give up painting ceilings, Michelangelo !'

A football game appears on the operating theatres monitor instead of the patients heartbeat.

Healthy Eating Casualties

"This patient must be really rich! He brought back the most extravagant illnesses from exotic holiday spots."

'Can't talk now, I'm just going into a tunnel.'

"Do you have a family history of this condition?"

"He detects disease."

Wards / Mortuary

'When you suggest that I might want the second, third, or even the forth opinion...are you saying my condition is THAT bad?!'

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

Say, aren't you my old shop teacher who said I couldn't cut a straight line to save my life?

Celebration in operating theatre.

'Thanks for leaving that sponge in me, Doc. Now I can drink twice as much wine.'

When he got the wrong medication, no one would own up to it. They were real good at covering their own butts.

Cause of death: Just one of those things.

'You say the pains in my left leg are caused by old age. But doctor my right leg is just as old and it doesn't hurt at all!'

"...and the good news is Mr Watkins, your keyhole surgery was a complete success"