Medical Anomalies Gifts

Ace of spades instead of heart in rib cage.

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"What are you looking at, four eyes?"

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'Time for your pills.'

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

'Well, none of the other options worked, so we installed a power cord on him -- if he starts going haywire again just unplug him and wait 30 seconds.'

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

'Have you forgotten, dear, that you gave your heart to me in nineteen ninety one?'

Infected Macron

I guess that's one way to get the ER renovated.

"The x-rays came back, and — I'm sorry, but we found a very large attachment."

'I'm having my colon checked.'

'You're going to have to give up painting ceilings, Michelangelo !'

A football game appears on the operating theatres monitor instead of the patients heartbeat.

"Do you have a family history of this condition?"

"I'm sorry, Doctor, when you said benign growth, I thought you were referring to my husband."

Say, aren't you my old shop teacher who said I couldn't cut a straight line to save my life?

Healthy Eating Casualties

Celebration in operating theatre.

'When you suggest that I might want the second, third, or even the forth opinion...are you saying my condition is THAT bad?!'

'Thanks for leaving that sponge in me, Doc. Now I can drink twice as much wine.'

Wards / Mortuary

'Can't talk now, I'm just going into a tunnel.'

"He detects disease."

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

"This patient must be really rich! He brought back the most extravagant illnesses from exotic holiday spots."

When he got the wrong medication, no one would own up to it. They were real good at covering their own butts.

Cause of death: Just one of those things.

'You say the pains in my left leg are caused by old age. But doctor my right leg is just as old and it doesn't hurt at all!'