Medical Anomaly Enthusiast Gifts

"But the P.R. guy says he's going to be O.K."

'I hear you practice modern medicine.'

'Well, none of the other options worked, so we installed a power cord on him -- if he starts going haywire again just unplug him and wait 30 seconds.'

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

"Do you have a family history of this condition?"

Emma is very happy that the doctor will finally remove the growth on Daddy's nose but she's also a little sad to see it go...

'When you suggest that I might want the second, third, or even the forth opinion...are you saying my condition is THAT bad?!'

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

'The medical society says yes, the hospital says maybe and his lawyer says no.'

Medical Curiosities

'We operated just in time. Another two days and you have got better on your own.'

"Your tests look normal, but that's what the disease wants us to think."

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

'And now the anti-aging pill is in the market - tough luck, my dear!'

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

"You tested positive for being negative."

"Now, those pills you just took may produce some visual side effects."

'Well I'm blowed if I know what any of this means!'

'Side effects? You have to worry about side effects?'

"I'm telling you, Hutchins. It's 'Feed a fever. Starve a cold.'"

"Hey, I'm just happy the transplant worked at all."

'Wait a minute! Didn't I see you on 'Funniest Medical Bloopers and Blunders'?'

'Well, he's had the 3 in 1 now. He's got measles, mumps and rubella!'

'Now this quack wants me to see a specialist- what the hell is a PATHOLOGIST'

"We might be dealing with something a little more serious than Bird flu here."

'The bad news is you had two diseases no one in history ever had together, The good news is they canceled each other out'

"I see that cream doesn't seem to be working..."

'That's one ugly side effect'!

"I've heard laughter is the best medicine."

'OK, you're all set. That stent in your artery will get you through the second half, but I'll need to open you back up after the game.'

'Oh my god... oh my god...'

'Patients! They whine about MRSA, then they moan about our ward disinfecting regime. There really is no pleasing them.'