Media Influence Analyst Gifts

Zelensky Wins Elections in Ukraine

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

In the Guru District

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Squeezing the Free Press.

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'If only every year was an election year.'

Press Freedom

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

Studies show foods work miracles!

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Which news channel should we watch?"

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."

'My plan for the mid east has approval of both Houses of Congress, Oprah, Larry King, Lettermen and Leno.'

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

"I actually saw ten gay characters on television this week—which almost balanced out the 2,174 straight characters I saw."

'Apologists today said little white lies -- but not the big lie -- may have played a part in Iraq Policies....'

"That newspaper has been showing up ever since you started reading the news online. I think it feels betrayed."

'Georgy Porgy kiss 'n' tell story.'