Meat Philosopher Gifts

'If it's wrong to eat animals, why are they made of meat?.'

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

View to the Future

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

'The meaning of life is dog food.'

'Is it guilt that when you eat us that we are no longer called pigs but bacon, pork chops or ham?'

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

"To paraphrase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure without pain au chocolat."

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

Surprise in the salad bowl

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"He doesn’t say much, but he thinks a lot."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son - Just enjoy being a mostaccioli while it lasts.

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

"What does the time traveler do when he's hungry? Go back four seconds."

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"Is it free-range?"

Flea Philosophy.

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

"First you make a roux."

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"They have oat fiber, wheat fiber, and rice fiber, but no moral fiber."

The Politics of Food.

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'

"Your moon is in the House of Pancakes."