Vegan Philosopher Gifts

"Gah! F*****g vegans!"

"As vegan zombies, are we allowed to eat brains?"

"States of tofu"

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

View to the Future

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"Two vegans, please."

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

"Is there a vegan option?"

"To paraphrase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure without pain au chocolat."

'Powdery stuff? Oh, that's egg substitute, from the Vegan lobby.'

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

'Extinct? Good heavens no. I'm vegan for God's sake.'

The Politics of Food.

"First you make a roux."

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'

"Eating a diet rich in vibrant colors does not mean a bowl of Skittles."

"I can't have anything that's a food."

'Ah, Garbanzo, truly you are a noble bean.'

"My holy grail is low-fat, low-cal, high-taste."

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

'Yes, but is it tart?'

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

“Children hate me.”