Vegan Visionary Gifts

Vegan Insomnia

"We tried a vegan Thanksgiving this year, but our family still showed up."

"I'm looling for ground beef that's organic, non-GMO, and doesn't contain meat."

"There are no animal products in our dishes, but since the meals are prepared by animals, you may find some stray hairs."

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense.'

Woolly tofu.

'Say cheese.'

"As the only vegan candidate, if you must pander to the crowd, at least throw them plant-based red meat."

"Do you have anything plant-based..?"

'Knibbles Dog Food - this product is cruelty-free. It has not been tested on dogs.'

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

'That IS the chef's surprise, sir -- the pork chops are really tofu.'

Vegan Ants

"Today a protest at the White House..."

"I'm thinking of switching to an all vegan diet...based on carrots...mainly carrots..."

"I'm hoping to turn flesh eating bacteria into vegans."

"States of tofu"

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

"Can we be seated under a vegan painting?"

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

Queen of Quinoa

'Looks like Reginald wasn't kidding when he said he's going to start urban farming on the roof...'

Give quiche a chance!

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'What did I say about finishing your vegetables, Billy?'

Veggie Hall of Fame.

"I can't make it out - on the packet it said radishes."

'Who says you're not genetically manipulated?'

'Because Thanksgiving is about a bountiful harvest. That's why we have to eat all these vegetables.'

'Dad, you know that I'd never buy a pet that eats meat. Luckily, I found a guy who sold me the World's only vegetarian dog!'

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

Vegetarian Nightmare.

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

'He's all eyes!'