Meat Counter Philosopher Gifts

"Butcher!"

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

View to the Future

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

"To paraphrase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure without pain au chocolat."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

Surprise in the salad bowl

"Please don't kill me."

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

"What does the time traveler do when he's hungry? Go back four seconds."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"Is it free-range?"

The Politics of Food.

"Steak, Richard, is just grown up veal."

"First you make a roux."

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"They have oat fiber, wheat fiber, and rice fiber, but no moral fiber."

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'

"Your moon is in the House of Pancakes."

"I can't have anything that's a food."

'Ah, Garbanzo, truly you are a noble bean.'