Measuring Ingredients Gifts

Scales

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

Honest Vending

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

All Natural Nothing

'I know we're inchworms, but let's get into the spirit of this! Change is good!'

When Dinosaurs ruled the Earth.

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

The Bearskin Hat Family

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

'Diet considerations.'

"The official measure of an inch is three iPhones stacked on top of each other."

Sure, I'll take a sandwich

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

"That's it - I've had it up to here with measurement devices."

"Do you have a few minutes to talk about the metric system?"

"I can never go metric. 'Al's 30.48 Centimeter Hot Dogs' just doesn't sound right."

Hacksaw Violin.

'What's a cubic foot?' - 'Whatever it is claim compensation.'

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

"It kind of puts it all in perspective, doesn't it?"

'I'm sorry I ever told them it's a game of inches.'

Secret Family Recipes

"Gesundheit."

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

Processed foods, unprocessed foods.

'Now with 30% less crap you can't even pronounce!'

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."