Measurement Gifts

"I thought you measured the distance to the ground. I hope Bob's okay."

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

Warranty Void

"Well done Fred, you've lost a bit more..."

"It kind of puts it all in perspective, doesn't it?"

Time Scales

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"Bond James, Bond."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"Hulk no can be mad at Mr. Puppy Face"

Showbiz Awards

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

James Bond in a Snow Globe

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

Benedict Cumberbatch

Director/Action Man toy.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"Don't get strung out by the way I look, don't judge a book by its cover."

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

"So, what brings you in today, Mr. Brooks? High anxiety again?"

"We just watched a hypermovie!"

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Herman Mankiewicz

'R2-D2 is not in. Please leave a message after the beep-wheep-zip-booop ...'

'I couldn't do my term paper because they've never made a movie about Rutherford B. Hayes.'

King Kong uses fly spray against the pesky planes on top of the Empire State Building

'Take a few days off. Suck some necks ...'

"You do realize I'm going to have to bill you for ten?"

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"