Mealtime Jester Gifts

"When no one's looking, I'm cramming this entire ball of pasta in my mouth."

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"You owe me five bucks."

'We apologise for the delay to the yum-yum train.'

The louder the kid, the tighter the lid.

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

'Anybody for breakfast?'

"I hate open-mike night."

"Today's special is puréed sweet potato on cracker."

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"Honey, will you text grace, please?"

"While you're waiting for your order, can I pick something off someone else's plate for you?"

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

"I slept funny!"

'Are you still eating your breakfast? I want to lay the table for lunch.'

Catering for a large family.

'No pudding until you finish your oxtail soup!'

Try to cut down on your salt intake.

'If you're going to send messages on the office intranet make sure you know who's going to get them.'

Have you said grace? No, we said grace yesterday, this is leftovers!

"Ladies ladies, please. There's enough of me to go around."

'This is room 35a. About that early morning wake up I asked for!'

Toddler in the bed: a journey

'Well, Mr. Grumpy, who got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?'

'You're a son-of-a bitch, Warren, but in a nice way.'

"I'm confused. Is this a late lunch or is it early dinner?"

"Your mom cooks the chicken, but your dad makes it dance."

"I like the plastic toy, but not the cereal. Daddy can eat that."

'He did?'

"The torture game is certainly a lot easier these days."

'I need an antacid. I'm having lunch in the school cafeteria today.'

'It was a symbiotic relationship, one that had evolved over thousands and thousands of days'

Egg Scare - You're trying to kill me, aren't you?

"We're gonna need a Bigger bed."