Meal-time Jester Gifts

"You owe me five bucks."

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'We apologise for the delay to the yum-yum train.'

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

"I hate open-mike night."

'Anybody for breakfast?'

'He's all eyes!'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'Your tomato ketchup is on it's way, Sir...'

"While you're waiting for your order, can I pick something off someone else's plate for you?"

Middle Age Spread.

"I slept funny!"

"Just how rare is this steak..."

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

"When no one's looking, I'm cramming this entire ball of pasta in my mouth."

'We don't have pressed duck, but we could shove around a chicken for you.'

'If you're going to send messages on the office intranet make sure you know who's going to get them.'

'The bad news is we have to amputate your liver - the good news is it'll be great with onions!'

Have you said grace? No, we said grace yesterday, this is leftovers!

'Leave us alone, you big bully!'

"Good heavens! She cooked Uncle Henry!"

"Ladies ladies, please. There's enough of me to go around."

'This is room 35a. About that early morning wake up I asked for!'

'Let's see... that's one 'last week's leftovers' and two 'third grader's homework', right?'

Toddler in the bed: a journey

Epitaph - 'Is that all you got?'

"A white whale took my leg, but I lost my eye to the ship's cook and a frozen fish finger!"

"That's the smoke alarm - our dinner must be ready...!"

'Well, Mr. Grumpy, who got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?'

'You're a son-of-a bitch, Warren, but in a nice way.'